Letting go. My advice from Albert shared.

It’s not often that my friends come to me for advice and I end up lost for words.  I usually am able to gauge the situation quite carefully and offer some sound, and at times, I’d say pretty bloody amazing advice.   But, when someone comes to you and asks you for advice on a similar situation that you once found yourself in, sometimes it hard to separate your own situation from theirs -Exactly what happened.  

My lovely friend is in love with a married man, they were friends and now she is in love with him and apparently he is with her too, but he is still with his wife.  She thinks he is the “man of her dreams” and her “soul mate” (all been there haven’t we...she’ll soon learn!).  But this guy is not giving her the green light signals and ultimately is still with his wife.  So I had to get straight with her, harsher than I would have a year ago, because that’s what it takes.  You need someone to snap you back into reality and see a person or situation for what they are...not what they “tell you they are”.  So, I did just that...I told her straight because I love her and don’t want her to get in to something that’s hard to get out of.  Yeah its fun spending time with him, its fun speaking to him...but she is worth more than the crumbs of his time and emotions.  HELL YEAH! 

But, we fell out.  She didn’t want to hear it, maybe she wasn’t ready to hear what I had to say, but I come with good experience, I’m a hypocrite but with it comes a few important lessons that I’ve learnt along the way, I just don’t have the best ability to sugar coat it....  

So, she still isn’t speaking to me, and won’t return my calls, and basically I feel like a bitch.  Just because my situation was more or less “text book”...you know the drill “fall in love, says he will leave his partner, and then doesn’t, blah blah blah”....does that mean it will be the same for her?  I really truly wish that it wouldn’t but, the odds are stacked.  Men are men.

So, I’ve just emailed her this.  When I was at my saddest point, a dear friend of mine emailed me this....Love & Life by Albert Einstein...if he cant solve her problems, who can...I’m hoping it makes her realise a few things like it did for me....

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“Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more. The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back.

Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship, we start our attempt to be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.

Believe me; you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle.“  Albert Einstein. (1879-1955)

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Fingers crossed.

It's all fabulous x 

Have a FABULOUS Christmas x

I've had such a lovely night with my family. My 4 year old niece was so excited and as I was helping her chop a carrot for Rudolph and get a glass of milk ready for father Christmas, I couldn't have thought of any better place to be. Sooo much better than getting drunk and waking up Christmas day with a hangover (what normally happens!).

So I'm lying here in my old bedroom, the one I shared with my ex for over 5 years, thinking how different my Xmases have become. A few years ago Id have been lying here cuddled up to a guy who I loved, spending Christmas together and just having a lovely day. How emotions can change your life so dramatically. Everyone thought I would have married him, I did at one point, but when I was sure I didn't love him anymore and he wasn't making me happy I'm glad I made the break when I did.

Irony took its toll though, because whereas I thought I'd be a much happier person, in the past year alone I don't think I've ever been as hurt by a "relationship" (bit of a strong word for it!) as I have before. Probably because I've led a sheltered life, or probably because I have always had a good track record of steering clear of losers. One of the two.

Anyhow, in recent months I've moved on from people who bring more stress and pain into my life than love. In the form of boys as well as friends. I feel like a weight has finally been lifted and I'm excited.

Sometimes we search for the perfect ending, but sometimes it's just not there to be found. And sooner or later we get to understand why...

So, it's Christmas day, I honestly wish you all a happy, healthy and most of all fabulous day today. And if there are people who you care about who may not know, tell them! That's what I'm going to do...

Goodnight y'all

It's all fabulous x

Christmas Eve

Well it’s Christmas Eve and I’m sitting here thinking where the heck has the last 12 months gone?  Wasn’t it Christmas day like 6 weeks ago? 

For some people Christmas isn’t a happy time as Clinton Cards would like us all to believe.  There are people missing people, people who are sick or people who’s stressful lives don’t just stop being stressful.  I get all that, but I also think that even for a small moment you have to forget your worries and embrace the actual meaning of what it’s all about.  Spending time with the people you love and showing them how much you care.  That’s what I am going to be doing.  It’s not about presents, its not about “what he bought her and she bought him”, it’s about the thoughtful gestures between people who care about each other.  The unexpected Christmas Day phone call, the card out the blue, the present which costs £5 but has been bought with thoughtfulness like no other.

I made a decision a while ago not to let anything ruin this Christmas for me, and I’m not backing down.  I will admit, I have wasted such a huge part of this year caring for people who didn’t deserve it.  I don’t regret it, because I’m a better person for it and bitterness is a self destructing emotion rather than a self fulfilling one. Eh and this is my 3^rd single Christmas.  But I’m used to it now.  It’s so much easier shopping for presents when you’re single; it does have its bonuses.  I’m glad I’m single this Christmas, I would much rather this than being in a relationship I wasn’t happy (all them years ago now) or worse still with a guy who cheated on me.  I think I’m the lucky one this Christmas, I escaped both.

So, 2012 is all about change.  I’m off travelling again, Dubai and then if you read my tweets, you will see I’ve been accepted onto a volunteering project in Africa...it starts at the end of January and as you can read in my previous blogs, something I’ve always wanted to do.  I just have to make a decision and let them know, so I’m working on that one whilst I have some time off!  Aside from missing my family, there is nothing stopping me. 

So, instead of the many invites I’ve had to go out tonight, this Christmas Eve will be the first one in a very long time that I’m chilling out with a few special people, going back to my mums, climbing on the couch and having an early night.  Why?  Because, firstly I have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make and secondly I’d rather be a million miles away from anyone in 2011 that I want to forget, than seeing any of them in a pub the night before Christmas!

So, I really hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Day. 

As Coco Chanel said herself, a girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.  So make sure your both!

It’s all fabulous x

Supermarket Emotional Sweep

I have been away from home for 19 nights, in a different hotel and city every day. I've eaten in every type of restaurant and after a shitty day decided to stay in my hotel room, by myself and cook my own tea. All very well, but my kitchen utensils extend to a kettle and two teaspoons. So off I go on my own to the sainsburys which feels like an adventure in it's self because its one of the rare times I've been outside my hotel room on my own and for the next 45 minutes take a leisurely stroll up and down the isles browsing their contents. Amazing what supermarkets sell that you don't notice on your weekly shop. Item that most amazed me today was liver flavour dog toothpaste. Well I never! I nearly wanted to buy some, but my pet collection is limited to 3 fish who I doubt would appreciate the gift. So anyway, I wander down the Xmas isle, once again with nearly every item reminding me that this Xmas I'm still frigging single. The packs of mistletoe (arhhhhh), the chocolate fondants set for two (ahhhhhh) or the lovely double mug and marshmallows on a pitch fork sets (for 2ppl again ahhhhh ahhhhh ahhhh i be wanna be sick ahhhhhh). I don't know why Sainsbury's don't just make a "Ha-fucking-Ha-Your-Still-Single" gift set and be done with it, I'd buy it (ahhhhh).

Well anyway, first things first, in the Sainsbury's in Newhaven (not far from Brighton) there are no hot guys, not even reading the nuts or top gear in the magazine aisle. What's going on. Biggest treat in this aisle was that Patricia Cornwells new book caught my eye (purchase number 1), I'll read that when the bitch known as insomnia pays a visit.

Anyway, at the point of eating all the White mice out of the pick n mix (my fave) I decide to start shopping for my dinner supplies. Now I take my hat off to anyone that can rustle up a gourmet meal with just a kettle, I my lovely readers am not one of em. The first meal that comes to mind when I think of a kettle is....none other that the pot noodle (purchase number 2). But you can't eat a pot noodle without some bread and the best loaves ever have to be the gGRrRr tiger bread (purchase 3). However, can't have tiger bread without butter (purchase 4) and if I've bought bread and butter, I need a knife (purchase 5) and then I couldn't have a meal without black pepper (purchase 6) and you can't buy pepper without salt because it's against condiment laws obviously (purchase 7), and then I imagined nice ham (purchase 8) with cherry tomatoes (purchase 9) with a few cheese and onion kettle crisps (purchase 10) washed down with a sainsburys finest pure orange juice (purchase 11) and then the middle aisle special offer of cadbury caramel trifles (purchase 12) jumped in my basket and then I decided enough was enough and I should pay for my goods and leave the store immediately. So I walked to the tills and listened to the hard rain hitting the windows and picked a pepperanni up (purchase 13) to have a little nibble on on my treacherous walk back to the hotel.

It was only when I'd more or less swallowed the pepperanni whole and was close to ripping open the crisps that I realised that I'd just became a "binge eater" without yet eating much of anything. Every item I put in my bloody basket made me feel a bit happy inside for such a short moment and now that it was just me, the food and the rain...away from the bright lights and the alluring supermarket tannoy, my brain functioned and told me...I'd bought too much.

I trudged back to my hotel room feeling ashamed that I'd just wasted £23.58 on purchases that should have been avoided. Even more annoyingly I could have bought both the chocolate fondants set and the mug and marshmallow duo and still had 3.58 change to buy the liver flavoured dog toothpaste! What had my life become.

I got back to the room, boiled the kettle and then reluctantly took three mouthfuls of pot noodle before I chucked it in the bin. The rest of the food is going past it's sell by date as I type in the bag by the door. Nice one for the cleaners in the morning.

So, what caused me to become a food junkie? Well it could have something to do with a combination of the following:

- I'm a bit homesick

- Work is a bitch and u can only be so drunk before even vodka helps ease the stress.

- Work colleagues can be as annoying as jedward eating a lot of sweets with e numbers in them.

- I have a sore back that is not getting better however many drugs I take :-(

-My heart and my head have been and are still in a constant daily battle with one another.

- I feel like a hagg'ed old woman who is pasty and ugly and in need of a MOT and full re-paint.

- I miss physical contact of any sort. Even the drunken tramp who perches himself by my house and pats my face when I give him a fiver every week.

- Everyone was buying their boyf/girlf presents today and feeling sorry for myself i instead spent over a grand on unnecessary purchases.

- The limited company over the past 3 weeks has induced an imaginary crush on one of my work colleagues, not helped by the "head" part of my body thats loves this new distraction because it doesn't really like the constant arguments with the "heart" bit (see Above again). This one I need to nip in the bud-and pronto!

So there you all have it, I bared my shopping basket soul and it's subconscious emotions and now I feel as though I am ready for a snack. And let's face it, it's not as if I haven't got enough supplies is it!

Moral of this story. Never listen to your belly, it's a fraud. Never listen to your heart, it's a fool. But always take notice of your head, it's the only thing that doesn't try and fuck you over! Well most of the time anyway.

Right, where are them caramel trifles when ya need one.

Night y'all!

It's all fabulous x

See Yaaa Miss "Man-Flu".

I haven't published a blog for a while. Not because I haven't written any, but because none have been worthy of gracing these lovely pages. My writing has had a bit of a "man flu" syndrome...you know the type - feeling sorry for themselves, thinking they are the most hard done ill people in the world etc. Yeah that was me. I was writing as though the world was against me, when in reality it was simple. It was just because I wasn't happy. No need to blame the world was it? What has the poor old world ever done to me.

So am I happy now? Well yes I suppose I am. I think sometimes we all spend too much of our lives focused on aspects that we shouldn't, trying to be people we aren't or trying to achieve things that are more detrimental to our being rather than to our success. Our actions as humans, which most of us are, are usually the cause to our own paths of destruction. But how boring would life be if we didn't have these wars with ourselves? How would be learn what "not" to do? How would we broaden our minds to a new way of thinking and perceptions etc?

Funny isn't it.

Life is busy for me at the moment. I'm working away a lot, having hectic 14 hour days and having to deal with people issues that I rather wouldn't. But I'm away from Liverpool and it couldn't have come at a better time. I miss normality but I don't miss the routine. I'm actually having a really good time with my work colleagues, getting to know them on a new level (yeah some levels should still remain unknown though...cringe!) I'm seeing a different city each day, meeting new people all the time and actually laughing more than I have in a long time. That proper belly laugh, that for once isn't hiding the "pissed off me" inside. Sooooo, I have so many things that I can't wait to blog about, so watch this space.

Topics coming up:
Long distance relationships - can they work?
Money or Love. Why some girls differ?
My Christmas wish list.

It's all fabulous x

P.S as I'm writing this I'm in the south of England in what sounds like a torrential wind and rain storm. Great. No sleep for me. May be publishing another blog sooner than I thought. night night x

Girls Night Out...men definitely allowed!

It's Saturday night, dress on, makeup in place, bottle of wine disappearing and your bedroom packed with your girl friends all fighting to use the straighterners or vie for that bit of the mirror that has the "best light". The one who is always ready first rings a taxi and then the ones who are always ready last start (normally me) start panicking like anything, backcombing hair to an inch within its life and throwing shoes out of the wardrobe looking for a pair...whilst everyone else now is sitting in the taxi!

And here's where it begins, a Saturday night on the town. Which town it doesn't matter...the basis is all the same!

So, I have a friend who is also single and with whom I have many a funny conversation about boys and their strange ways. We think we know it all, until we meet another "one" who stumps us and has us cursing that race known as man!

So, we shall call my lovely friend, Kim* (names changed for legal purposes).

Kim was in a lively bar dancing away with a few friends when she spotted a guy out the corner of her eye who had something about him she liked. He wasn't the best looking in the room but he had that "thing" that she likes. You know what I mean about that "thing" none of us can describe it, but if he has got "it" then we know about it! So, playing it cool she decides to go and get a drink next to where he is standing, a gentle little smile and then stands there thinking in her head "speak to me, speak to me!". Well hey presto, he is the one who ones up to her and starts a conversation! All going so far so good?

So they are chatting away, getting on well, they even end up having a dance off with each other and then he asks that all important question...."can I have your number?". Now, when a guy asks for your number you can go one of two ways...make up one excuse that you have a boyf (imaginary in my case normally) or give him the right one because you've already imagined meeting his great aunts and uncles and having his 6 children...dramatic I know but a girl can dream can't she?

So, Kim gives him her number, they both go there separate ways (no club necking on this occasion! Cringe!) and then that's when it begins.

"Is he going to text." "Is he going to call?" "What if he doesn't?" "Do you think he liked me?" WHY do we torture ourselves??? We sit there staring at our phones, getting angry at every other person who does text just because it "isn't him". Pathetic, sad and downright stupid, but we can't help it...some crazy haze of green smoke clouds over the sensible parts of our brains and we find ourselves turning into a near crazed lunatic! Ok not exactly a lunatic, but analysing every single details of the conversation/the meet/ the dance/ the smile/ the look....the list goes on and on.

So, I'm all to aware that when you give your number to a guy, sometimes they call and sometimes they don't. When they don't do I just brush it off and think "Ahh well another one bites the dust" - do I sh@te!! I'm the one asking all of them questions and thinking "oh it must be because I needed my eyebrows plucking"....

So, Kim does get a text the next night and within a few texts he has asked her surname to have a nose on Facebook. Now this is where she made her first mistake, you want him to get to know you first...not your Facebook profile, but not to worry, my friend doesn't use it that often and looks gorgeous on all her photos anyway! So they carry on texting and then it gets late and he says he is going to sleep...she is playing it cool and just says good night.

So today did he text? No he didn't.

Why?

Well here are the list of reasons we have come up:

1) He was on his way to work this morning and got abducted by aliens who erased his short term memory and hence why he has forgotten all about the recent "love of his life" that he is smitten with (aka Kim)

2)He lost his phone (although could have face booked so chances are slim) alien scenario more probable.

3) He is playing it cool (if this is the case then she should get a text tomorrow at least - but by no means should she text back for at least 12 hrs!!!)

4)He hadn't liked what he has seen on Facebook

5)He has realised she is far too good looking and fantastic for him so is too afraid to contact her again (we should all believe this one now and again!)

6)He has been cut off by Asda mobile and in the queue in the sainsburys getting his copper jar changed to buy some credit

or and last but not least

7) He maybe is just not that into her. Now we shouldn't take this personally, although naturally it's hard not to. I mean he doesn't even know Kim, so what does he know. So that leaves one explanation that we assume-he doesn't like how I look. It's hard not too, but in the grand scale of things, he isn't going to ask for your number if he thinks your a minger is he. So, sometimes we have to reside to the thinking that really there isn't anything wrong with us at all, he just wasn't the right person and the connection or spark just wasn't there.

But the frustrating part is, is that she wants him to text even more now. Sod law. Dont get me wrong, I know she will have forgotten about him in a week if he doesn't get in touch, but for us girls a Saturday night out with the girls can result in hourly conversations with our friends about whether "he has texted/hasn't /what he said/what did you say"...it almost puts me off going out (yeah who am I kidding!).

So, as the "desperate girls" self help book has been saying for a while...men? Are they really from a planet called Mars? Hell what do I know...one things for sure they are definitely a strange group of creatures...we all profess to not playing games, but are we just as bad? Is dating just a big game of Cat and mouse "chase"? Will Kim or myself ever meet a decent guy that hasn't been abducted by Aliens or resorting to his piggybank for phone credit?

Something tells me, we've got a long way to go.

It's all fabulous x

London, you've got a lot of explaining to do! :-(

Why when you having as good week does something have to go and happen to make you feel like crap?

Ok, I may be over exaggerating but my best friend is moving to London and I’m gutted.  I know it’s the right thing to do for his career and everything else, Liverpool can be a small minded city and this guy has got bigger ambitions. But, I’m being selfish writing this because I’ve got that sickly feeling in my stomach, because I am going to miss him soooo much. 

I know London is only a few hours away but I see this guy almost every day, we have such a scream and he is one of the few genuine friends I have got.  He has this ability when I’m feeling down to snap me out of it and I’ve never met somebody who can make me laugh so much by just being himself.

He is the only guy friend I have got who I can be 100% myself with and he knows me better than any other.  I can say something to him and he knows that I’m thinking something else.  Bit of a pain sometimes, because I can’t get anything past him haha!  He is also an extremely loyal friend, he is honest with me to the core, even if what he has to tell me may hurt me in the short run, if he thinks it’s in my best interests he would never hide anything from me.

So, I feel like I’m soon to lose a left arm.  He is desperately trying to get me to move to London but at the moment it just wouldn’t make sense, one day maybe.  Over the past year, some of my closest friends have moved away, I’m really happy for them, but secretly the selfish part of me hates that they are not here anymore; just round the corner for a coffee or a last minute Saturday night out.

I’m sure I’ll cope (due the fact I have no other option!!!), but I hate thinking that he isn’t going to be “just there”, I think being single and living alone he has become my “safety blanket”.  My boy-friend who isn’t my boyfriend!  I’m being dumped for the bright lights of London! Heartbreaking!! Haha!

So, anyway, I have an exciting weekend planned that I’m sure will take my mind off things and a workload at the minute that depresses me every time I think of how many hours I’m going to be working up until Christmas.  Boy, all doom and gloom this week isn’t it! Thank god for retail therapy!

Its all fabulous x

P.S.

Things I’m loving this week.

• Twitter (making me think I should reveal my identity on my blog so I can have just one account instead of two!)
• Christine Perri
• Vanilla Lattes
• My “fingers crossed” new apartment...
• Heated car seats.

xxx

When does enough become enough?

When in our lives do we decide that enough is enough?  Do we just carry on and see what each day brings?  Or should we take control and drive our destiny in the direction that we want it to go in? Should we trust that everything happens for a reason?  Or should we adopt the approach that life is what we make of it?

How often do you find yourself wishing you were somewhere different?  Doing something fresh? With someone new?  Lately for me, it’s quite a lot! I think at some points in your life you can almost feel like you’ve become one of them little hamsters on them spinning wheels in a cage, doing the same old thing over and over again.  Some people may like the monotonous way of living, and I’m actually surprised that in the past few years, I’ve become victim, because simply – its the easiest option.

So, where do we draw the line?  Where do we grow a backbone, take a risk and go after what we really want?  I have a nice family a good bunch of friends, a nice house, car and a good job that some would envy.  But is that everything?  Am I really destined to live that life?  Something inside me tells me I’m not.

I suppose I just always aim for more, which most would say is a good trait, but it does get tiring.  I wish I was happy with what I’ve got, but I don’t think I ever will be.  It’s not about the money, its not about the “status”...it’s about aiming and achieving.  Its about being challenged, being thrown out of your comfort zone and stretching your potential.  Can I do that living the 9 – 5 life?  I wonder.

You see, I just feel like my life needs a good shake up.  I need something different.  I go through these little fazes and it’s about time I acted on them.  I’m my own worst enemy, and I know it! Maybe I’m not happy with what I’ve got because I haven’t got somebody to share it with?  I wonder sometimes, if I was sharing a life with someone who could enjoy the benefits like I do, would it be different?  Would I be more content? Would that safety blanket give me the courage to take the risks I know I need to take?  Would having someone there who’s “got your back” make decisions easier?  Would having that “someone” make everything else seem better? I think it would.  But I’m basing my thinking on a metaphor, naive.

So, when will I get the courage to take the risk I need to?  Break away from the monotonous tendencies I’ve adopted since becoming single?  When?  What will it take?  Will I ever be the person I want to be?  Will it be too late? Or should I stop thinking so hard and just see where I end up?  No, of course I shouldn’t, but what will it take for me to take the risk? 

It’s all fabulous x 

A select few.

I know I go on about this, but for all the people in my life who take the piss, use me or "pretend" they care...I have twice that amount of friends who don't, who I'm very lucky to have.

I had a rubbish day yesterday, something scary happened and its nice to know that to some people when I say "I'm ok", they know I'm not.  The friends who turn up unannounced with a bottle of wine, the friends who send you the nicest little texts to cheer you up, the friends who will go out of their way to just put a smile on your face...well yesterday I found out I have a select few of those friends. Real friends.  And I'm very happy and lucky to have them.

As the wise old Italian philosopher once said "There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship", Thomas Aquinas. 

That is all.

It's all fabulous x 

I have that problem!!!!!!

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8 color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64 color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64 color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like indigo bluey green at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8 color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. So when I meet someone who's an 8 color type...I'm like, hey dude, Magenta! and he's like, oh, you mean purple! and he goes off on his purple thing, and I'm like, no I want Magenta!” 

It's all fabulous x